Not So Fair Weather Friends?

Jesus Walks on the Water

²² Immediately Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowd. ²³ After he had dismissed them, he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray. Later that night, he was there alone, ²⁴ and the boat was already a considerable distance from land, buffeted by the waves because the wind was against it.
²⁵ Shortly before dawn Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. ²⁶ When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. “It’s a ghost,” they said, and cried out in fear.
²⁷ But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.”
²⁸ “Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”
²⁹ “Come,” he said.
Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. ³⁰ But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”
³¹ Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?”
³² And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. ³³ Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.” ~ Matthew 14:22-33

A few thoughts have been swirling in my pretty little head since I heard this reading the other day. Sheesh, how many times have I been Peter?  I would like to think that Jesus sustains me when the winds of turmoil, stress and suffering bang against the sides of my "boat"? Sometimes, though, I do think why me God? What did I do, that was so horribly wrong, that I deserve this? In this reading Peter is lifted and sustained by Jesus. He has faith in Jesus at the moment, which is a beautiful one at that.  When Peter becomes freaked out by the winds and the storm he lets go of that faith and starts to sink, which is exactly what we all do when we let go of our faith during the turbulent times. Don't you think so too? Everyone has times of turmoil and despair. Sadly some people do turn away from God when the going gets rough. I think it is part of the human condition to find fault and blame when something goes amiss in our lives. Why not blame God? He is an easy scapegoat after all. Sometimes the most difficult thing to do is to have faith and to trust in God's plan. He does have a plan for each and every one of us; remember He knew us before He formed us in the womb. He knows us intricately and loves us and can and will uplift us in the bad and good times of our life. Trust Him. Reach out to Him. Just as Jesus reached His hand out to Peter, so shall He reach it out to you and lift you from the waters before you drown. 

The reading also reminded me of the weeks and months following 9/11/01, when the churches were filled with those looking for healing and probably answers as well. To be honest, I was numb at that time and many times I just went and sat in the pew and contemplated the passage printed above the altar that read, "Be still." It was the only part of the passage that was visible from where I sat. (The entire passage is "Be still, and know that I am God.")  Aside from being with my family, waiting for news of family members and friends, God's house was the only other place that I wanted to be. It seems I was not the only one that felt that way given the scores of people I would meet there.

There has to be a balance though. By all means seek God during the tumultuous times, but also remember to thank God for every blessing that He has given you as well. Try to make it a habit to think of your daily blessings before you head to bed at night and say thank you.

The last paragraph makes me think of my favorite Apostle, Thomas. Those that were in the boat saw the miracles of Jesus occur right before their eyes. Thomas too, had to be convinced that Jesus was risen. We read of the signs and wonders in the Bible with awe but haven't experienced Him the way that they all did, yet we believe in Him and that is the very definition of faith. Jesus said, "
Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.” Well Alleluia!

Joy, Peace and Love to you all. Have a good week.

Mare

Only In My Dreams.......

I've decided that I am going to come out of the closet, so to speak,  and tell you a rather amazing experience that happened after 9/11. So often I am reminded of the day and the people that we lost. The pain has eased but the memories of them are still there.

For this, though, I have to go back to the beginning. It feels like yesterday that I heard about the first plane hitting the building and I went into our branch (I worked at a bank) where there was a t.v. I stood there in awe, with a few of my fellow employees, as we watched it all unfold. My first thought went to my boyfriend of 11 years and my sil's brother who sometimes worked there. Turns out my boyfriend was working from home that day and my sil's brother wasn't working in that area. The first tower came down as we watched in horror. In the debris I saw a fire truck parked at a curb, completely covered in dust and the moment I saw it I knew that my beloved cousin, Eric, was gone.

The devastation was complete. Eric was like a brother to me. Since I could not function, at all, I took a week off and sat with my relatives through the following days, waiting for the phone to ring. Hoping against hope that he was rescuing people and too busy to call. Of course, the call never came.

I do not know how this works, but those that are gone do know what is happening in our lives even though we cannot see them. They are "allowed" to give us messages through dreams and signs. Some people do have a gift, from God, to get messages from them for other people. Most, though are either frauds or fueled by other channels not of God. Be that as it may, I've had experiences since I was about 4 years of age. I only share messages when I am prompted to do so. Most of the time I close myself off to it. It is very difficult to reconcile my religious beliefs with the experiences, but they are undeniably real and the messages very accurate so I just accept it as a gift and do what God wants me to do with it.

The first visit I got from Eric was on 9/22/01. Here is the excerpt from my journal:

Last night I was in [my son’s] room watching a movie. I felt someone staring at me from the hall. Of course, nobody was there {that I could see”. I wasn’t scared – just a little unnerved. In a loud voice I told them to show themselves to me. I now know it was Eric. This is not mentioned in the journal but the unseen visitor then followed me into my own bedroom. It was a very, very strong presence, but I could feel that it was benign in nature. At this time I told them to communicate their message to me while I am sleeping; I can't understand them while awake.

“ I had a dream about [Eric]. His hair was a little longer and he looked wonderful. He said that he is okay and he isn’t alone. He has a message for his parents. He sees their grief and their tears. He said that he has tried to get through to his dad but he can’t. He said not to cry because he is happy and safe. He was on a journey home but needed to get the message to his parents before he could go further. It seems like we were a long way from home (our island) and that he and I had a distance to travel to get back here. He didn’t say it, but I knew that he was surrounded by people he loved, as was I. I could feel it.

Eric was very insistent I go give the message immediately. He also told (showed) me when to tell them. I pictured my aunt and uncle sitting at their kitchen table (she on the left, he on the right) I am standing on the opposite side facing them. We are alone in the room. 

When I was waking up the name Tm came strongly to mind. Eric was yelling as an afterthought but I was already too awake to understand the name so all I got was the sound of tm. I knew that either a Tim or Tom is with him also. He is happy and at peace as well.” Eric then woke me up. My first inclination was the person that was with him was probably Tim McSweeney, a local guy that was also a firefighter, a friend of his, and fellow Annadale resident.

I woke up, heart pumping, full of adrenaline and looked at the clock which read 5:00 A.M. and said (out loud) you are nuts Eric! I cannot go there now. So I was all revved up at this point and decided to write the dream down. My Aunt and Uncle were not the kind of people that believed in this type of thing and I did not want to upset them, so I just wrote the dream out and printed it. What I wrote here is exactly what transpired."

Later that day I went to their house. My uncle was lying down upstairs, but my Aunt Barbara was there as was her sister, Jean. While sitting at the kitchen table, I gave them the dream to read and after my Aunt Jean read it she said Barbara you have to show her the article. My aunt walked into the dining room, retrieved it, and returned to the kitchen to hand it to me.

The article said that the older brother of a firefighter had run to the firehouse after seeing the plane hit the Trade Center and met my cousin (who had just gotten off work) and his friend, Artie, (who was off, but picking Eric up) outside the station.  The older brother, Dennis, was looking for his brother, Tom, who worked at that station. My cousin told  him that Tom had already left for the Trade Center, but he promised that he would find him for Dennis. He also told Dennis to get his ass onto the ferry b/c it was probably going to be the last one out and I guess Dennis did just that.  The last Dennis had seen of them was when they were jumping into the van to take off to the Trade Center. What this article did, though, was validate that the person with Eric was a man named Tom. Tom Kelly.  In the chaos Eric did find Tom. They died together, as heroes. They are together now in heaven.

An interesting side note to all of this is from my journal entry of 11/21/13. It says that "Eric’s mother does not dream. She told me that when we were talking on the phone." See? They find a way to get the message to a loved one. 

I hope that someone gets comfort from this. Our loved ones that left us that day, and every day since, still love us and watch over us. The body may die, but our souls are entwined forever. 

May God bless us all.

Mare

Artie Barry

Tom Kelly

I Think I Have Figured It Out

It was while I was bored out of my mind yesterday and contemplating life. I'm not sure what the catalyst was for such deep thoughts; perhaps it was hunger. I was, after all, waiting for my delivery of a Tuscan Salad from Kingdom Cafe (which was actually ghastly and sooooo not worth the wait or money). It came to me during a thoughtful review of my life thus far (the meaning of this post, not the salad). I am no longer considered middle-aged and haven't been for a while. Maybe it is just the age thing that makes you think back, IDK.

What did I figure out? It came to me that the lesson that I'm supposed to learn while on this glorious earth is (drum roll please)  forgiveness.

You know how God works. You say God, give me patience. Instead of just being infused with it He gives you someone you have to learn to be patient with (unless it is one of the gifts that He has given you.) God, give me strength is a good one. How many times I have asked for strength and was challenged beyond belief with some kind of struggle. They say that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Well, I can bench press a 1973 Cadillac at this point.

 I do believe that we are here to learn some thing, or many things as well as to share our gifts. Looking back, yeah, forgiveness has always been front and center in my life. I have had many opportunities and experiences where I have been called on to forgive others and, after all, I am supposed to do that seventy times seven to infinity and beyond if memory serves me correctly. I have let so many of those indiscretions go, but it has been a struggle. I can admit that. Some of them were incredibly difficult to forgive and took years but it is part of life to move forward. You probably won't forget, but you can forgive. It is a necessity and quite healthy for you to do so. I have found that the more people I forgive, the lighter the load on my shoulders becomes.

I know that God forgives me my trespasses. I must do the same for others. It says just that in the prayer Jesus gave us on the mount. You know, the Our Father...

Therefore, I forgive those that abused me sexually, physically and emotionally. I forgive those that stole from me. I forgive those that took away my friends and family members over Lockerbie, Scotland, in the 80's and on 9/11. I forgive those that mocked me for my faith or physical appearance. I forgive my son's Father for never being there for either of us. That is his loss, not mine. I forgive those that have made me feel unloved, unwelcomed and more of an after thought than a priority. As of today, I forgive all those that have trespassed against me. I will just let it go and leave it all in the past.

I hope that all that I have trespassed against can do the same for me.

God bless and have a good week.

Mare

9/11 Remembrance - Angel*s Circle, Staten Island

This is a poem I wrote years ago about a place here in Staten Island called Angel*s Circle. It is a place where we Islanders can go and sit and just be........

missing our loved ones, but knowing they are in a better place than we are. God bless all those lost in the attacks on 9/11/2001 and in Benghazi last year and those left behind. We were blessed to have known them while they were here.

The Circle

The circle of angels beckoned to me
to visit the loved one I lost on that day
the circle was filled with prayers and esprit
as I lovingly lay down a poem and bouquet

Everyone silent as they moved through the paths
lips moving in prayer as they looked at each face
their family and friends all lost in the wrath
now nestled in heaven and filled with God*s grace

We feel all our hearts are together as one
teardrops giving emotions away
a plethora of grief in unison
for the loved ones we lost on that September day

In a most beautiful garden of spirit and light
where we gather to remember those that we love
is where suddenly my soul is filled with delight
as a Monarch flutters down from the heavens above

The only one I have seen in this Summertime
the butterfly floats to a rose that*s cerise
a gift from the heavens, both serene and divine
and I know that my loved one is home and at peace

Copyright 2004
Marianne E. Hare

So many friends and neighbors and members of our community

My beloved cousin, firefighter Eric T. Olsen

Isn*t just beautiful?

God bless America!

Yes, Angel Circle is located in a traffic median in the Grasmere section of S.I. It is a triangular piece on Fingerboard Road and Hylan Boulevard.

A Small World

Do you know, I was sitting outside earlier doing my daily meditation and the most incredible thing happened to me. I had seen a bird fly down into the corner of the yard, only about 50 feet away, and it disappeared into the bush at the end of the property, which slopes down. I was not sure if it was injured or not but the strangest thing happened; it started to run around the backyard and came about 8 to 10 feet away from me. It looked around, eyed me up and down, then turned and ran away. It was a beautiful robin with the spotted breast, so it was pretty young. What struck me, though, as I watched the bird, the dragonflies that visit the tomato fence and the yellow swallowtail (that has been visiting of late) is just how small my world must seem to so many that read this humble blog.

My world is not that small, surprisingly. I cherish nature, true. That is a gift I got from my mom who passed away 19 years ago today, but my life has not been what most would probably think it has been from one who sometimes writes about inane things; one that delights in spotting a Monarch butterfly (which will literally make me gasp out loud) for instance.

Just about everything that you can think of has touched my life; either a close loved one or me specifically. I guess I was meant to be here because when I was born I was what they then called a blue baby and I received a total transfusion. My sister who followed a few years later never made it full term; God had other plans I guess. In my lifetime, and I am by no means finished yet, I have been affected by sexual, verbal and physical abuse, addiction, incarceration, identity theft, burying the young, (too many), holding AIDS patients in my arms while they died, abandonment, wealth and poverty. Terrorism found my small town in 1988 when I lost a friend over Lockerbie, Scotland. That was years and years before 9/11 which also devastated my family, friends and town.  I raised a son, by myself without the financial or emotional support that you need; well for the majority of his life anyway. All of that while dealing with a myriad of health issues that have plagued me since the beginning. People that have met me along this life journey, that I have truly opened up to have looked at me and said oh my God, you would never know by looking at you. My Pastor was floored when I told him just two things happening a few years ago. He said something similar but added you are like Mary sunshine; the weight of the world rests on your shoulders and I never would have guessed that. You are always smiling.

Bummer right? Want to choose my shoes from that proverbial pile or take your own back? The one constant in my life? You got it right if you said my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.  Though there were a few bumpy years in my teens and early twenties I have never, ever let Him go out of my life. I see Him next to me through all of those tribulations and I see Him in the spotted robin that ran up to me today. He is my strength and inspiration and being with Him when this is all over is my eye on the prize. All that I have experienced in this life I would do all over again if it means an eternity with Him. My world is not so small, at least not in His eyes. Because with all that has touched my life it is still not even a scintilla of what Jesus ultimately did for me on the cross.  He did it for you too. He walks with each one of us. With Him by our side, none of us live in a small world.

Have a peaceful week.

Mare

Good and Evil

Resurrection Chapel, Staten Island, NY

Do you know that old saying when someone says well I do not believe in God and someone responds well you may not believe in God but He believes in you?  It often makes me wonder just how many truly believe in God at all. If this week is any indication we live in a horrific world and oftentimes it feels like there just is no God. Personally I do not believe that though.

Just a few hours ago I happened to take a short trip in the car just to get out, get some air, and take a quick walk on the beach to clear my head. In that short 40 minute timespan (actually it was within the first 5 minutes after I pulled out of my driveway) I saw something that took my breath away. I was sitting at a light waiting to make a right-hand turn and there was one car ahead of me. On the street that we were going to turn onto there was a man in a motorized wheelchair and a woman who appeared to be his caretaker, given her colorful scrub outfit, waiting to cross. Well the light turned green, the wheelchair man started to rev up to cross the street, he had the right of way, and the car in front of me sped up to cut him off and almost hit the health aid. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? The idiot in front of me could not wait 2 minutes for an old, wheelchair bound man to cross a very busy intersection? Of course, I let the man continue across the street and he gave me a mighty wave and a big smile, which had a much greater value to me that he made it across the street safely than 2 minutes of my time. BTW, the idiot driver was waiting at the next light when I pulled up behind him so what exactly did his action do for him anyway? Nothing if you ask me.

The highlight of my day today was watching my little 4 year old neighbor learn to ride his bike without the trainers on. While Tom and I were driving up our street the little guy took a spill right in front of our driveway (on the sidewalk). Then took another shortly after that. But when I got out of the car I stood and watched for a moment while his dad ran behind the bike, that anxious look that all parents have written all over his face and then he let the little guy go. Boy did he go! Straight down the street with his dad running and huffing and a puffing right behind him. The little guy stopped safely at the end of the block. Both turned to look at me with such big smiles and such accomplishment while I yelled YAY!!! along with them.

Those are the things you have to hold onto in life; a smile and a wave from a grateful person. Watching a dad who works 15 and 16 hour days be the one to teach his only little boy how to ride a bike and being able to join in the sheer glee of that perfect ride. Sometimes you have to look for the good in life.

Saturday I went to the chapel at Resurrection Cemetery. I like to go there and pray because it is just a beautiful, quiet chapel and they have this magnificent stained glass window behind a beautiful wire sculpture of Jesus on the cross. The altar was still dressed in lace and had the remnants of a mass that had taken place earlier. I sat in the front row and in the rear were two men on opposite sides of the aisle; probably praying for their deceased loved ones. Well, in came 5 people - a woman in her 80*s, one in her 60*s, 2 young women in their 20*s and a young man in his 30*s. You would think they were at a ballgame because they were talking so loudly. They were so loud that the 2 men left and not being able to concentrate I will admit I slammed the prayer book onto the pew beside me and gave them a look (not my finest moment). What struck  me when I got into my car was how funny it was how things evolved in the chapel. I dug through my pocketbook but could only find my Chaplet of the Seven Sorrows. Instead of saying the rosary and Divine Mercy Chaplet I instead said the Chaplet of the Seven Sorrows and then decided to open the prayer book in front of me. Incredibly, Saturday WAS the Feast day of Our Lady of the Seven Sorrows. If this is the type of adoration that her son receives, I can truly understand why many times she weeps when appearing to visionaries (Kibeho, Lourdes, Fatima to name a few). I found those people to be incredibly disrespectful not only because they were in the Lord*s house but there were grieving people there too. How do you ignore them?

Evil seems to be the prevalent thing in the world though lately. (I am not saying those people in the chapel were evil, nor the driver in front of me, just rude and thoughtless.)  Hate messages on Youtube, bombings of embassies, the anniversary of 9/11, greed, lust, porn, hatred, I could go on and on and on. I do not agree with Christians that burn the Koran, nor others that burn the Bible.  I do not agree with Christians that bomb abortion clinics nor do I agree with Muslims that bomb anything for both are supposedly doing so in the name of God. That is NOT the God that I know, regardless of what anyone calls Him. It is a very sad world that we live in when we are afraid to go to work or to a movie theater because there just might be someone there with a vendetta against you for whatever reason or someone sitting next to you. To that I only have one thing to say - you may not believe in Satan, but he believes in you. He is just hoping that you use that free will that God gave you to see things his way and not even think twice about WWJD. According to the Bible good triumphs over evil in the end, but my friends I think we have a long, powerful fight ahead of us. 

If you are able to kneel on the floor tonight in a safe place say a prayer for those affected by tragedy this week and in prior weeks. Above all, thank God for all the good blessings in your life be they great or small.

Have a great week.

Peace!

Mare 

The 343

Beloved Cousin

Cerulean skies, not a cloud to be seen
the hint of a Summer-like breeze
dotting the windshield of my little blue car
a sample of premature autumn leaves
Gloriously happy I thanked the Lord God
for giving me a beautiful new day
Unaware I sang songs on my drive into work
of the evil that was coming my way
Without any warning the day turned to night
as the smoke and ash eclipsed the sun
The towers just crumbled like sand castles in ebb tide
as they came down to the ground one by one
The clock hands stood still
the silence deafened me
as people transformed into shadows of white

My heart seemed to stop
breath choked in my throat
as the sky turned into the night
For there on the screen, ready to roll
stood a fire truck enveloped in debris
The moment I saw it
I knew there was no hope
Eric was one of the the 343
One of the brave
the proud and the strong
who would lay down his life for a friend
Without any regard for one*s race or beliefs
he saved lives over and over again

Brothers and sisters, grandparents and friends, sons
daughters and parents were saved
as he ran into the building and sprinted up steps
and the clear sky turned smokey and gray
That is my solace as I think of him now
and our silly childhood memories
I often thank God for the brief times that we had
and for sharing His Eric with me


Marianne Hare
copyright 2007

Arthur T. Barry, FDNY, Friend

John Bergin, FDNY, Friend

Cira Patti, Neighbor

Michael Cammarata, FDNY, Business Colleague of his dad and uncle

Thomas Kelly, FDNY, Friend

Timothy McSweeney, FDNY, Neighbor

Peter Raimondi, Neighbor

Jane Baeszler, Fellow High School Grad

There Are No Coincidences

or so I believe. I think that there is a book out there about just this very subject written by Fr. Benedict Groeschel. I am pretty sure I have a copy of it in my bookshelf.

This morning I was watching Sunday Morning on CBS and was amazed by two of the stories, well all of the pieces they showcase are amazing in one way or another, but these two were incredibly inspiring. One was of Luma Mufleh who took a wrong turn on her way home one day and came across a field filled with children who were playing. She could tell that they were not born here and showed up the next day with a soccer ball which the children flocked to. She went on to form the Fugees Family Organization which works with children refugees from war torn countries. The organization has now grown from just the children playing soccer to education and creating a life here for those child survivors. But what was it that brought Luma to that field 6 years ago? Coincidence? I do not think so.

The other story was about a man named Tony and his relationship with a firehouse, Station 1 in Lansing, Michigan. Tony is  developmentally disabled and a senior citizen now, but at the tender age of 13 the firefighters invited him in for a meal and that is how the relationship began. Through all of these years the firefighters have fed Tony and now that he is older they do even more for him like helping him bathe, feed him all of his meals and take care of him like a family member. They interviewed many of the firefighters and when asked about Tony all of them said he was part of their family. Tony has his own home and a job but the majority of his time is spent at the firehouse. What a beautiful story and a true testament to how God works in mysterious ways.

Our family has even had a few of those incredible encounters. Just this past Friday we laid to rest the remains of my cousin Eric, a firefighter who died on 9/11. A friend of the family, Brother Dave, said the service for us. Brother Dave was good friends with Fr. Mychal Judge, who was the Chaplain for the New York Fire Department and belonged to the Franciscan Order of Friars Minor. After  9/11 Brother Dave went and bought a copy of the NYTimes which had photos of the victims and of course included his friend. Looking through the photos though he said that he was drawn to the photo of Eric, his handsome face and very long neck, and he went and purchased more papers. He actually then went and distributed Erics photo to the surrounding firehouses who hung the picture. It was sometime shortly after 9/11 that his Friary, the Franciscan Center of Wilmington, DE, along with the McShane Bell Foundry of Maryland organized the remembrance bells project for the 3 sites that had been affected on that day - New York City, Arlington and Shanksville. The bells were to be used at the ceremonies of the first anniversary.  Though the bells were completed, he was having difficulty finding a contact for the one that would eventually come to New York.

On the first weekend of October in 2001 there was  a ceremony to commemorate the National Fallen Firefighters, who had died in the prior year. Brother Dave attended the ceremony, which was held in Washington because of the size of the crowd they were expecting, and stood near the bells. He noticed 3 buses pull up and first out of the closest bus came 2 tall men, one younger and the other older. As the 2 men approached him he noticed that the older of the men was wearing a badge that said Eric Taube Olsen. The men were Eric's Dad and his brother Todd. Needless to say Brother Dave was in awe and though he did not say it on Friday, I am sure that he saw Gods plan before his eyes and he now knew why he was so drawn to that one face out of thousands in the newspaper. Because of this encounter in Washington not only did Taube and Brother Dave become friends, as did the rest of our family, the bell reached New York and was used in the first anniversary ceremony. Brother Dave, the Friary and the McShane Bell Foundry were so grateful for my Uncle's assistance, that they made a smaller bell to commemorate the Viking Association firefighters that died. That bell was attached to a fire truck that Eric had owned, and a firehouse in Milford Township, Bucks County, PA restored over 2 years and with $12,000 in donated monies (that is another wonderful part of our family legacy). That was absolutely the hand of God bringing those 2 men together in a sea of thousands upon thousands of people in our nations capital.

You just never know when God is going to nudge you in the right direction; how your actions are going to affect someone else's life. How a wrong turn can make such a huge difference to not only someone else's life but your own life as well and how love is so easily given away and accepted. If today you hear his voice harden not your hearts. May you be receptive to the whisper that tells you to make that turn, do something for someone else and may God bless you on this beautiful day.

Peace,

Mare

(Just click on the photos to see them enlarged)

Remembrance Bell for New York City (larger)

Viking Association Bell

Erics Refurbished Fire Truck

Close up of Viking Bell