A Small World

Do you know, I was sitting outside earlier doing my daily meditation and the most incredible thing happened to me. I had seen a bird fly down into the corner of the yard, only about 50 feet away, and it disappeared into the bush at the end of the property, which slopes down. I was not sure if it was injured or not but the strangest thing happened; it started to run around the backyard and came about 8 to 10 feet away from me. It looked around, eyed me up and down, then turned and ran away. It was a beautiful robin with the spotted breast, so it was pretty young. What struck me, though, as I watched the bird, the dragonflies that visit the tomato fence and the yellow swallowtail (that has been visiting of late) is just how small my world must seem to so many that read this humble blog.

My world is not that small, surprisingly. I cherish nature, true. That is a gift I got from my mom who passed away 19 years ago today, but my life has not been what most would probably think it has been from one who sometimes writes about inane things; one that delights in spotting a Monarch butterfly (which will literally make me gasp out loud) for instance.

Just about everything that you can think of has touched my life; either a close loved one or me specifically. I guess I was meant to be here because when I was born I was what they then called a blue baby and I received a total transfusion. My sister who followed a few years later never made it full term; God had other plans I guess. In my lifetime, and I am by no means finished yet, I have been affected by sexual, verbal and physical abuse, addiction, incarceration, identity theft, burying the young, (too many), holding AIDS patients in my arms while they died, abandonment, wealth and poverty. Terrorism found my small town in 1988 when I lost a friend over Lockerbie, Scotland. That was years and years before 9/11 which also devastated my family, friends and town.  I raised a son, by myself without the financial or emotional support that you need; well for the majority of his life anyway. All of that while dealing with a myriad of health issues that have plagued me since the beginning. People that have met me along this life journey, that I have truly opened up to have looked at me and said oh my God, you would never know by looking at you. My Pastor was floored when I told him just two things happening a few years ago. He said something similar but added you are like Mary sunshine; the weight of the world rests on your shoulders and I never would have guessed that. You are always smiling.

Bummer right? Want to choose my shoes from that proverbial pile or take your own back? The one constant in my life? You got it right if you said my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.  Though there were a few bumpy years in my teens and early twenties I have never, ever let Him go out of my life. I see Him next to me through all of those tribulations and I see Him in the spotted robin that ran up to me today. He is my strength and inspiration and being with Him when this is all over is my eye on the prize. All that I have experienced in this life I would do all over again if it means an eternity with Him. My world is not so small, at least not in His eyes. Because with all that has touched my life it is still not even a scintilla of what Jesus ultimately did for me on the cross.  He did it for you too. He walks with each one of us. With Him by our side, none of us live in a small world.

Have a peaceful week.

Mare