I'm going to go extremely deep and personal on this, but I think it needs to be shared.
Like everyone else I have been sickened and disgusted by the Grand Jury investigations that came to light last week. It affected me deeply not only because I am a Catholic, but I'm also a survivor of assaults that happened when I was a child and a young adult. The men that assaulted me were not priests but they were just like the predators that preyed on the meek and vulnerable victims in the report. They were men that I trusted until that trust was irrevocably and horribly shattered. I still live with that pain all these years later and this scandal has made me reflect on just what I may have done differently in my life if it had not happened. It has also shown me what a brave child I was and what incredible parents I had because the first time it happened, when I was 10, I told someone and they took action and put that man away. I can still visualize myself sitting in the courtroom, on a pile of books, responding to the judge that yes I did know what a lie was and promising to tell him the truth. As impressionable as that experience was, and even though I was scared, I also had a confidence that my parents and the judge would protect me. The good people were going to make sure that I, and others, would be safe from that happening to me or anyone else again. Unfortunately, he only went away for a short time and was released and I encountered him a few more times in the years after that, which were terrifying. He has since died, but not before assaulting another young girl and stabbing her. He did time for that as well. The girl survived.
So, I know what it is like to see your attacker in your day to day life, just as the church victims did, because I lived it. I can also imagine telling people that don't believe you or ignore you. I can also empathize with those that have had a predatory priest that they have let into their lives, befriended, confessed their sins to and received the Sacraments from. In all my years I have only encountered ONE predatory priest and that was back in the late 1980's. However, with my history it shook me to the bone with rage when I realized that I had been confessing my piddly little sins to this monster. Yes, I almost did walk away from the church but then again I was a lukewarm Catholic at the time anyway.
Here's the thing though. I didn't stop eating pizza and consider all Italian men evil because of the one pizza parlor owner that assaulted me. I didn't stop going to doctors nor having surgery because of that one Pakistani man that assaulted me either. Because the majority of people are good. The men that prey on children and young adults are diabolical and, yes, that includes men in all walks of life and all religions. Predators go where the children are found.
My thought on the church scandal? Every single person that has been complicit in any crime should be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. I'm not saying that as a victim nor as a Catholic; I'm saying it as a member of the human race. Until they are prosecuted, no child is safe.
I'm sure you are wondering what my own personal choice is now with regard to my status as a Catholic. Judas betrayed Jesus in body and spirit. The priests betrayed Jesus in body and spirit. Yet, did the Apostles scatter because Judas betrayed Jesus? Of course they didn't. As Peter said, to whom would we go?
Well, I believe in all (well 98%) of the teachings of the church: the triune God, forgiveness of sins, the final judgment, the communion of saints, the resurrection of the dead, life after death in heaven, hell, or purgatory (which leads to heaven) and life everlasting. Most of all I believe in the true presence of Christ in the Holy Eucharist. I KNOW He is present in the Eucharist. The Eucharist is Christ with us in body and spirit until the end of the age. I believe in the transformative and healing Sacraments. Why would I leave everything that I believe in, because of the sins of others? If I haven't denied myself the savory taste of pizza why, in God's name, would I deny myself the saving power of Jesus and His presence in the Eucharist? Short answer? I wouldn't.
Have a blessed week.
Mare
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