While I was sitting in the adoration chapel on Sunday I must have looked like a fool. I was sitting there, all alone, with a big Cheshire-cat smile on my face and my eyes all lit up. I looked like I had just heard the grandest joke. In reality, I thought of a joke (of sorts) that had been played on me and frankly I found it amusing to say the least.
I was thinking of young me.. The clueless young me that used to have two pet peeves. People that knew or met me always thought I was such a nice young thing. Not necessarily pretty, but I guess attractive in my own way. At the time I was 99 pounds soaking wet at 5'5" and thought I was all that and a bag of chips after applying my make up and doing my hair just so. I had a very nasty cruel streak, though, that I hid from the world. I used to see people that were heavier than me (which was a large part of the population - given my aversion to food) and I would say to the person I was with, "please shoot me if I ever get that fat." Sloppy dressers bothered me too. I used to think I will never let myself "go" like that. Ha! What a foolish, judgmental, jerk.
My other pet peeve was those that I referred to as the stupid people. Of course, I was a rocket scientist (not), but people that just didn't seem to grasp something I was saying to them or teaching them just irritated me to no end. (See, I was not a nice person, at all. Okay, maybe I will cut myself a little slack here because teenagers and young 20 somethings tend to think the world revolves around them anyway.)
Then a few things happened.
1) I grew up
2) I grew out
My older fat self would slap some sense into that judgmental little snot.
In my mid-30's I had my first symptom to a rare disease. I was actually sick at the time with whooping cough (of all things) and was in bed for 3 weeks, knocked out cold from codeine. I didn't eat, and barely moved and when I had emerged from bed 3 weeks later I was 30 pounds heavier. That was my introduction to Cushing's syndrome. The average weight gain of this disease is 100 lbs. You can lose the weight if you go into remission but it doesn't seem that it is, or was, God's plan to have me do so. I now look like I ate my young 99 pound self, and then some. Well played, God. Now I have 99 lb. know it alls asking me if I would like a fork for my family meal that I have picked up from Boston Market. Uh no, it is for my family and we have utensils at home. That certainly is karma don't you think?
As for the stupid people? Yup, I'm one of them too. This morning I poured myself a cup of tea, let it steep, and then stood there wondering if I had put the 2 sugar substitutes into it or not. I could easily see myself as one of those people that walks around looking for their glasses when they are perched on top of their head. Better yet, someone that puts their coffee on top of the car, while they fumble with their keys, and then drive off with the coffee on the roof. My Mother used to call these moments mentalpause, but throw in the little brain banging on the concrete in January of this year and you come up with an entirely new bundle of fun. Karma, baby, karma.
So why was I smiling? Was it because karma had bitten me in the arse over the years and I have realized that it has? Nope. I was smiling because God has given me all of this time to live my life and do it right. Every single day that I wake up and get out of bed I offer up my joys and sorrows, works and suffering to Him and then get to the business of spreading His word. I was smiling because I was filled with love and gratitude for our heavenly Father for the inspirations and sorrows He has given me that has made me the person that I am today.
As I sit here writing this, looking schleppy and fat and wondering just where that typo was that I just saw and have to fix, I think - Father, thank you for your patience with me. Yup. My face once again has the Cheshire-cat smile.
Have a peaceful week.
Mare
I was thinking of young me.. The clueless young me that used to have two pet peeves. People that knew or met me always thought I was such a nice young thing. Not necessarily pretty, but I guess attractive in my own way. At the time I was 99 pounds soaking wet at 5'5" and thought I was all that and a bag of chips after applying my make up and doing my hair just so. I had a very nasty cruel streak, though, that I hid from the world. I used to see people that were heavier than me (which was a large part of the population - given my aversion to food) and I would say to the person I was with, "please shoot me if I ever get that fat." Sloppy dressers bothered me too. I used to think I will never let myself "go" like that. Ha! What a foolish, judgmental, jerk.
My other pet peeve was those that I referred to as the stupid people. Of course, I was a rocket scientist (not), but people that just didn't seem to grasp something I was saying to them or teaching them just irritated me to no end. (See, I was not a nice person, at all. Okay, maybe I will cut myself a little slack here because teenagers and young 20 somethings tend to think the world revolves around them anyway.)
Then a few things happened.
1) I grew up
2) I grew out
My older fat self would slap some sense into that judgmental little snot.
In my mid-30's I had my first symptom to a rare disease. I was actually sick at the time with whooping cough (of all things) and was in bed for 3 weeks, knocked out cold from codeine. I didn't eat, and barely moved and when I had emerged from bed 3 weeks later I was 30 pounds heavier. That was my introduction to Cushing's syndrome. The average weight gain of this disease is 100 lbs. You can lose the weight if you go into remission but it doesn't seem that it is, or was, God's plan to have me do so. I now look like I ate my young 99 pound self, and then some. Well played, God. Now I have 99 lb. know it alls asking me if I would like a fork for my family meal that I have picked up from Boston Market. Uh no, it is for my family and we have utensils at home. That certainly is karma don't you think?
As for the stupid people? Yup, I'm one of them too. This morning I poured myself a cup of tea, let it steep, and then stood there wondering if I had put the 2 sugar substitutes into it or not. I could easily see myself as one of those people that walks around looking for their glasses when they are perched on top of their head. Better yet, someone that puts their coffee on top of the car, while they fumble with their keys, and then drive off with the coffee on the roof. My Mother used to call these moments mentalpause, but throw in the little brain banging on the concrete in January of this year and you come up with an entirely new bundle of fun. Karma, baby, karma.
So why was I smiling? Was it because karma had bitten me in the arse over the years and I have realized that it has? Nope. I was smiling because God has given me all of this time to live my life and do it right. Every single day that I wake up and get out of bed I offer up my joys and sorrows, works and suffering to Him and then get to the business of spreading His word. I was smiling because I was filled with love and gratitude for our heavenly Father for the inspirations and sorrows He has given me that has made me the person that I am today.
As I sit here writing this, looking schleppy and fat and wondering just where that typo was that I just saw and have to fix, I think - Father, thank you for your patience with me. Yup. My face once again has the Cheshire-cat smile.
Have a peaceful week.
Mare
